First conflict

Maybe I need to just accept the fact that I don't get the urge to write more than once a month. Throughout my life I've journaled on and off and always felt like I was betraying the journal gods when I'd go on these hiatuses. I find that when things aren't great (or just downright shitty) in my life I write like a fiend, but as soon as my mood lifts I just abandon the poor journal. I think that this whole blogging thing is like that. However, I've found that other bloggers (who I really like reading) do the same thing! It's nice to know I'm not the only one!

Anyway, to catch up on the last month. I've been seeing a very great guy that I've referred to before as Traveler (same adult guy I mentioned last month). Yes, I think we are still as cute as before and I apologize. I think dating has become so much more complicated in the last 5 1/2 years. Both of us are so scared of rushing into anything that we walk on egg shells sometimes. Both of us came out of serious multi-year relationships so there is lots of baggage in the form of two exes that we are both trying to be friendly with.

We had our first conflict discussion last night and it actually ended well. He has been in a funk for the last few days and backed out of plans with me twice in two days (plus he was sick on my birthday and had to cancel). So, I was doing the whole girl thing and assuming the worst - that he doesn't want to be with me, that I've been used again, what's wrong with me, etc. So I blurted out to him that I was feeling neglected and lonely* and he understood (truly he did!). Then he said the sweetest thing. He told me that he couldn't understand why I was single, that he liked me, and he was planning on and could see us having a future - but he is gun-shy and wanted to take things slow and careful. He said wouldn't have had me leave toiletries in his shower if he wasn't interested. (by the way, he asked me a couple of weeks ago to leave him a list of things I would need at his house because he wanted me to be comfortable and spend more time there.) He was just in a funk! And amazingly enough, the honesty ended all my questioning and self doubt.

*Quick aside: I did tell him when I was blurting out my feelings that "I would always try to be honest and never tell him what I thought he wanted to hear or what I thought he should hear, and that was what I expected in return." I'd much rather have someone tell me something hurtful but true than have them tell me what they think I want to hear. Because eventually I will realize they are only telling me what I want to hear and I don't want to have to figure out if I'm being told the truth or not. I'd rather deal with the truth than constantly question what I'm told. I do enough questioning and doubting on my own, thank you very much!